by Kevin O’Neill MS, USAW, Pn1
What is resilience?
Resilience is the mental capacity to adapt and bounce back when things don’t go as planned. It is the ability to deal with adversity. It is mental toughness. It is grit. It is having coping skills. Most importantly, resilience is a skill and it can be developed. Hopefully this article will provide some thoughts on how to incorporate resilience training into your strength & conditioning program.
What do resilient people do?
Resilient people take Ownership. They own both their success and failures.
Resilient people are Energy Smart. They only spend energy on what they can control and influence.
Resilient people Steal From The Greats. They model what successful people are doing.
Resilient people Build Support. They have a strong and secure support team.
Resilient people Trust Themselves. They don’t reinvent the wheel after a setback, they simply fine tune their skill level and improve where they need to.
Resilient people do a Positive Self Assessment. They don’t just focus on “why didn’t I perform well” (negative view). They dive into “how can I improve” (positive view).
Why do some kids lack resilience?
The main culprits for kids lacking resilience today are adults and society’s culture that both can be overprotective. Overprotective parenting is one of the main reasons why children lack resilience. Parents today tend to be more anxious and protective than in the past, which means that children are often shielded from risks and challenges that would help them build resilience to negative events they may experience.. Additionally, today’s culture may condition people to believe they shouldn’t have to struggle and face discomfort, thus never having them build the skill set necessary to navigate hard times.
How can we teach resilience to our student athletes?
A major way to build resilience with our kids is to start by connecting with them and forming relationships. The thought that “I don’t need them to like me, I just need them to respect me” likely isn’t in play in the high school setting. At the high school level, it’s mutually beneficial for our athletes to enjoy being coached by us. At the very least, if they don’t like you, they certainly need to like the strength and conditioning process.
Another way we can help kids build resilience is by focusing on the process, because on the stairway to success you cannot skip steps. Personally, I don’t talk too much about goals with my athletes. We do chat about them at times, but I try not to make them a major focus. We do talk about a process on how to achieve their goal(s). I choose more to focus on that process, which I find more positive because it shows how far you have come. I find sometimes goals can have more of a negative tone because it shows an athlete how far they still have to go.
Being honest with our student athletes will also help teach resilience. We need to have difficult conversations and not sugarcoat things. Honest feedback and not providing fake praise will allow our kids to know that there are areas where they need to improve. It is ok to appropriately tell an athlete, “that wasn’t good enough.”
Holding our kids accountable will work on building resilience as well. We need to make sure they are taking ownership for their actions and decisions. It’s important we help them realize that any miscues they experience are mistakes, not failures. Mistakes are teachable moments they can learn from and improve on. Calling them failures has a much more negative and permanent connotation.
We need to help kids with controlling their emotions. If they have a bad loss, failed lift, etc., they should know dwelling on it won’t help. I talk to my kids about the 5 x 5 rule: if something happens that isn’t going to matter in 5 years, don’t spend more than 5 minutes stressing about it.
Teaching kids to self-advocate for themselves can be huge in building resilience. I frequently try to help kids find their voice. I make them communicate with me daily if needed. I do my best to remove parents from the day-to-day communication and put it on the kids. For example, if an athlete has five lacrosse games this upcoming weekend, that athlete needs to be communicating with me. I don’t want to get an email from a parent about that. Yes, there are times that life events may need a parent to contact me, but most of it should fall on the student.
Embracing failure can help build resilience. Failure is where we learn to grow. We embrace failure by having a growth mindset (see Carol Dweck’s book). If you have not seen the Jocko Willink video “Good” as well, you can watch it here. I reference them both frequently in the weight room.
Here are a few specific ways I try to build resilience within my S&C program:
- I teach it and talk about it. I talk about one of my Core Values (Belief, Accountability, Toughness, Leadership), daily. I literally program it:
- I do pre- and post testing. I know, every coach does this. But, I don’t focus on the post-test number. I focus on the difference between the two and praise the student for the improvement. This builds confidence.
- I record workouts. Once again, all coaches do. I use this as another means to show kids how they have improved over time, and to build their confidence.
- I am not afraid of having athletes max out to a 1RM. Some coaches have different philosophies on this. I like it for the following reasons:
- Again, it shows them how far they have come with their numbers.
- Lifting heavy builds confidence.
- At some point they will fail, and that is ok. That is where we talk about what went wrong, how to improve, and succeed next time.
- I compare kids to me (point of reference: in addition to being ruggedly handsome, I am 6’5’’, 300 lbs). If I have a 150 lb. athlete trap bar deadlift 225 lbs., that is 1.5 times their bodyweight. I explain to them that if they walked into the weight room and saw me with 450 lbs on the trap bar, they would instantly think I am a monster and be very impressed. I explain their 225 lbs and my 450 lbs are the same. I want them to think they are the same weight room monster that they think I am. That builds confidence.
In wrapping things up, I think we can really simplify things when it comes to training resilient athletes. I believe the three common denominators in what is mentioned above. They are connection, confidence, and positivity. Connecting with your athletes will ensure they listen and believe in your message. Getting athletes more confident will give them the belief in themselves to handle whatever curveball life throws at them. Lastly, athletes with a positive mindset will handle adverse situations better than athletes with a negative mindset.
If you have any comments, questions, or feedback, I am always willing to connect with coaches and chat.
Email: kevin_oneill@nobles.edu
Twitter: @coach_k_oneill
Instagram: @coach_k_oneill
Kevin O’Neill MS, USAW, Pn1, is Director of S&C, The Noble and Greenough School (MA). He is NHSSCA Northeast Regional Director, and Regional Advisory Board Chair on the NHSSCA Executive Council.
References
Resilient Kids Come From Patents Who Do These 8 Things – Lizzy Francis
Improve Athlete Resiliency – 6 Tips For Coaches – Bo Hanson
Resilience in Positive Psychology: Bouncing Back and Going Strong – Yezen Nwiran, Seph Fontane Pennock
How to Build Resilience With Resilience Training – Courtney Ackerman
Bend, Not Break: 9 Power Trait of Resilient People – Fasail Hoque
Positive Mental Health: Resilience – David Murphy, Megan Berry, Bridgette Vaughn
Building Resilience and Mental Toughness: Tips For Parents and Coaches of Youth and High School Athletes – Petra, The Ultimate Mindset Blog
5 Ways to Helps Teens Build a Sense of Self Worth – Amy Eva
Mindset: Carol Dweck
